Conversation with my oldest daughter Leana (2nd grade): LEANA: Daddy! I just figured something out! ME: What did you figure lil’ sista? LEANA: That 1 plus 1 always equals 11 when you look at it. ME: For real? I always thought 1 plus 1 equals 2. LEANA: Only when you don’t see two 1s together! (big smile) ME: You know what, your right! Put two 1s together and it is 11 when you look at it. LEANA: Yep! But I’ll just keep writing 1 plus 1 equals 2 since the world is weird. You tell ‘em gurl! The world is weird like that. Alot of things equal differently when you really...

Well since the lovely and ultra negatively talented Comcast are taking forever and a month about restoring my cable TV and cable modem service, I just dropped them. I now have Dish Network and in another 3 - 4 days, WildBlue Satellite Internet. I’m going to be completely wireless for my entertainment and Internet needs. Happy, happy! Joy, joy! Dish Network is better than Comcast in my opinionation. I get more for less. And they have some very nice games for the kiddies to play via satellite also. WildBlue will be TOO COLL. 1.5Mbps down/256Kbps up. Perfect for my wife and I (I’m...

Yes sir! I’m still without hi-speed Internet access at home so blogging may be sporadic (using my dial-up right now). When hi-speed to dial-up is a shock but hey, you do what ya gotta do. In the meantime, I’ll probably be blogging from the local library in lovely Taylor, Michigan.

Due to a well-placed strike by a Deere excavator (pictured), I have been without cable TV or high-speed access for the past 3 days and counting. And since I’ve been on vacation, I haven’t accessed da ‘Net from the ol’ job. Funny thing is that I’m self-employed and REFUSE to drive a few miles just to access the Internet or cable TV. Why? Cause I’m enjoying the family too much, ya dig? My wife and I have finally started making a dent in all the movies on DVD we own. Been messing around with the kiddies and wearing myself out. And the little static background...

I was once told by a “friend” that I damned and going to hell since I didn’t accept Jesus Christ as my savior. I shrugged my shoulders and just said: We all have our hangups. I have never been bothered by people telling me such things. I’m not a Christian so it doesn’t bother me. Nor am I a fan of organized religion. But I never try to stop anyone from going to church. “Do what you gotta do” is my motto. That’s why I had a lil’ chuckle over La Shawn Barber’s words on this subject: Telling someone that without Christ they are damned,...

Official curmudgeon Francis W. Porretto raises some interesting points about certainties. I picked out a few of his points and pontifications to respond to: An honest, intelligent man who’s properly humble before the evidence so copiously provided by reality cannot help but know that certainty about any general proposition is a highly risky posture. Yet it is a feature of our time that those who have the least claim even to low-level factual knowledge about a subject are usually those most certain about their opinions on it. This is stone truth. I wrote a rant about Hurricane Katrina and...

You ever go to restaurant with a person that acts like they are physically ill, outraged, offended, and downright insane when the food is presented? Example: Waiter or waitress sets the plate of food in front of this person and he/she she ruffles their nose, makes a dispairing face, clutches their stomach, and says a foul remark about how nasty the dish is. Now this jellyroll head ordered the meal from the menu. There’s nothing visibly wrong with the food. And they make a production before even tasting the food! Did I mention that they ordered the meal? When that happens, I feel like...

While my two daughters were getting on the school bus today, a driver behind the bus (the only driver) starting honking his horn rudely and gestering wildly. The driver (a middle aged looking white man) then rolls down his window and starts cursing. Saying such lovely things as: Get those little bastards on the bus! Fuck these little rugrats! Now, I’m an extremely cool person but this guy has went too far. Heeding the words of my road dawg Solomon when approaching a car on foot, I walk quickly towards the car, passing the passenger side, slowly walk around the back of the car then I rush...

That happy couple is Eddie Murphy and Rebbie Jackson back in 1984. Rebbie Jackson had her hit single “Centipede” (written and produced by lil bro Michael and a damn good song regardless of the strange lyircs) and Eddie Murphy was seriously funny. Today, Rebbie Jackson looks terrible and doesn’t even try to sing and Eddie Murphy is all weird and not funny. Amazing what time can do. Back in 1984, many folks thought Eddie Murphy would be a legend in the comedy world in future years. Now his brother Charlie gets the laughs. As for Rebbie, when you come from a family where Michael...

Francis W. Porretto’s curmudgeon strength is not enough when it comes to customer-assembled furniture: Customer-assembled furniture has destroyed more domestic evenings than toddler soccer, medical insurance options, and menstruation combined. IKEA, Bush, Sauder, O’Sullivan, Ameriwood, and their less well known competitors are clearly the agents of Satan. One hopes that their finances have received the attention of the Department of Homeland Security. A Middle Eastern connection wouldn’t surprise your Curmudgeon one little bit. Still, it’s amazing how powerful the urge to...